Cave Week Day 7: Bad Decisions and Even Worse (or Better) Cave Names

Chaos by Nomenclature: Subterranean Edition

Welcome to the final descent of Cave Week. By now, you’ve met microbes that thrive in darkness, minerals forged in deep time, and rock formations older than the continents they hide beneath. But today? Today we honor the truly feral spirit of science—the naming.

Because when you’re cold, muddy, and three body-lengths deep into a squeeze tunnel with questionable air quality and existential regret in your lungs, you don’t emerge thinking, “Let’s call it Passage A14.” No. You name it something unholy.

And that is how we arrive at this sacred final celebration: a CHAOS Lab-approved roundup of real cave names that are metal, unhinged, sometimes wildly inappropriate, and absolutely perfect.

This is Chaos by Nomenclature: Cave Edition.

🕳️ Cave Names That Echo in Eternity (and in Group Chats You Never Speak Of Again)

• Satan’s Arse (UK): A narrow, muddy hellcrawl that leaves your dignity behind at the entrance. You don’t find this place—you survive it.

• Orgy Hole Passage (Indian Spring Cave): The only thing tighter than the passage is the naming theme. Whoever coined this was making choices.

• Orgy Gorge (Ennis Cave): This isn’t a coincidence. That’s a naming arc.

• Golden Shower Room (Moler’s Cave, WV): Is it water? Is it sulfur-rich flowstone? Is it psychological warfare? Yes.

• Beelzebub’s Hairy Ringpiece (UK): There’s anatomical, there’s infernal, and then there’s this. Equal parts geologic pun and trauma trigger. CHAOS certified.

🧭 Passages & Pits with Personality (and Maybe a Restraining Order)

• Chastity Belt (Wind Cave): If you’re getting through this one, you’d better have commitment, contortion, and questionable judgment. A true test of will—and joints.

• Bob’s Toilet Pit (Wind Cave): We still don’t know who Bob is. But this pit has seen things, and it smells like shame.

• Defenestration Dome (Wizard’s Well Cavern): Named like a Victorian murder plot and just as dramatic. Expect a sudden drop and an even more sudden loss of hope

• Milk Horror Hole (Tennessee): It’s white. It’s wet. It’s weird. It’s the kind of name that makes you back away slowly.

• Shagnasty Cave (Missouri): No explanation required. If you enter, you already know what you deserve.

🤘 Why We Love This

This is the soul of CHAOS: naming things not with cold objectivity, but with the unfiltered honesty of people who have suffered.

These aren’t textbook terms. These are scars, inside jokes, and unspoken warnings. They’re punk rock etched in mud and limestone. They say: “We were here. We regretted it. We named it something ridiculous so you’d regret it too.”

Science can be sacred, but it should never be boring. And if your cave doesn’t have a name that sounds like a cursed D\&D location or a band that only plays at midnight in the woods—*did you even cave?*

So cheers to the explorers who made bad decisions, crawled through geological trauma, and emerged laughing—with a name that lives forever.

CHAOS Lab approves.

Stay curious. Stay chaotic. Stay out of Bob’s Toilet Pit.

Caves go deep. The names go deeper.